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Whose surname?

Advice on choosing a surname for your baby with ideas on all of your options from the traditional approach to surnames to changing your family name.


Discuss whose surname? on our forums, right now! Or, post a comment below.

Finding the perfect name for your baby isn't easy to say the least, but for couples who don't share the same surname, deciding what baby's last name should be is a whole nother debate in itself.

Tradition dictates that a baby automatically receives his father's surname as his own. However, while this practice has been common place in the UK and much of the Western world for centuries, to many this now seems as antiquated as the assumption that all couples who have children are husband and wife.

The traditional approach

If you and your partner already share the same surname (regardless of whether you are 'officially' married or not) then there is unlikely to be any question as to what you'll choose for your child. Having a consistent family name that you all share can be a good option as it unifies you as a family, is more convenient for the purpose of filling out forms and such like and is also likely to cause less confusion as to who baby's parents are.

Hyphenated

If you and your partner do not share the same surname there are a range of options available to you. One of the more popular choices is combining your surnames to create a hyphenated last name for your baby. This can be a convenient option as it incorporates both of your names, identifying you both individually and together as your baby's parents. It also enables both of you to keep your family naming lineages going which can appease grandparents-to-be.

If you are thinking of this approach, points to consider are whose name will go first, whether a hyphenated name will be too much of a mouthful (especially if you both have long names) and how you will go about teaching your little one what their name is (as both names together may be too much of a mouthful to start off with). You may also want to consider the implication of what will happen if your child marries someone else with a double barreled surname - be prepared that your grand children may have surnames of unparalleled proportions!!!

One or the other

You can choose to give your baby either your own or your partner's last name. This has the advantage of continuing the naming lineage of one of your families and you could always incorporate a naming tradition from the other family as a middle name too. The only problem with this approach is that there could be some confusion as to whether the individual whose surname isn't the same as their baby's is actually the real parent. In this instance the mother usually has the final say as to whose name is officially registered on the birth certificate.

Create a new one

If you and your partner can't come to a compromise as to whose name should be used, you can create a new one. Whether you decide to combine both of your surname into a completely joint but unique name or simply think creatively and choose a whole new one, you and your partner can officially change your name and use this for the whole family.

This can be fantastic if neither of you are particularly keen on your surnames and really enables you to forge yourself officially as a unique family unit. Beware though - families, parents especially, may not be too keen on this approach as they may see it as you disassociating yourself from them, however, with a little reassurance and an explanation of your reasons, they will more than likely accept your decision (especially once they meet their new grandchild)!

Its up to you

Whatever surname you decide for your baby remember that it is you and your partner's choice alone and you should avoid being influenced too much by what family members expect of you. Having said that, do remember that the name you bestow upon your child will have to see them through life so try and avoid being too weird and wonderful.

Your Comments

We would love to hear your comments or views on this subject. If you would like to ask a question or start a discussion, please post a topic in our Baby Names forum.
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I am almost 10 weeks & i am stuck on the surname, ive always thought the child should have the fathers name & he would be delighted. but i love my surname, and the first names i have in mind go so much better with my surname rather than his?? i think our names are too long for a hyphenated surname. any other suggestions?
added by laturner85 [Thu 21st Jan 2010 @ 09:20:13]
me n my hubbie have gone weird for our daughters name wen she comes: Emily Joan Harris-Thompson. Harris is my dads surname, but I was named after my mum: Borris, and thompson for my hubbies surname. I like it. :)

Emily Joan Harris-Thompson.
added by XBabyXLoverX [Wed 30th Dec 2009 @ 09:59:43]
Hi ladies, I have 3 children from my 1st marriage who are almost grown up and when me and their dad split I oroginally kept my married name, for the kids and school etc. However this caused problems in other areas. Anyway when I met my wonderful partner I reverted back to my maiden name, the kids weren't bothered at all. I am prgnant now and my baby will have my partners name. Just out of interest we are now living in Bulgaria, here the tradition is that the chilld has their mothers maiden name as a middle name and the surname is the fathers surname, so it is only necessary to choose the first name for the child
added by startingagain [Fri 9th Oct 2009 @ 09:30:43]
hi i'm 27wks pregnant and i know what i'm having and i'm calling him alan joesph james
added by becky96375 [Mon 13th Jul 2009 @ 09:07:44]
ello me n my bf r having this debate whether it should go n my name or my boyfriends name i think it should go in he's name but i have been told if we split up he has got more chance ov custody in court is this true?? xx
added by caznwake [Mon 13th Jul 2009 @ 09:07:34]
hello this is a fabulouse website
added by sharky [Mon 18th May 2009 @ 09:40:56]
hi,im 33wks gone an my partner finished with me so now im all over the show with the surnames whos should i pick mind and his os just mine? wot should i do please help
added by gogo1 [Tue 17th Mar 2009 @ 09:26:22]
it all depends, my baby will have my last name as my partner and i have recently had a huge fight with his family and they since have dis-owned me therefore because of their actions i dont feel that they have the right to having my babes last name plus my fiance has plans to take mine anyway
added by skye88 [Mon 2nd Mar 2009 @ 09:29:53]
I HAVE 2 CHILDREN WITH MY EX HUSBAND AND THEY HAVE HIS SURNAME, I HAVE SINCE HAD A BABY AND HAVE GIVEN HIM MY MAIDEN NAME WHICH I REVERTED TO WHEN I GOT DIVORCED. MY ELDEST KNOW THAT THE BABY AND I HAVE A DIFFERENT SURNAME AND IT DOESN'T AFFECT OR BOTHER THEM.
added by ClareIsKage [Mon 2nd Feb 2009 @ 10:47:27]
i don't know whose surname to have, im an only child and basically be up to me to keep my surname going, but would be unfair on the dad, i would possibly consider hypenated since we dont have long surnames
added by bubblechic88 [Thu 8th Jan 2009 @ 09:38:54]
well my parents split just before i was born so i was given my moms maiden name then when she married my step dad and had more children they all had the same name and i was the odd 1 out it never bothered me though but now i have children of my own even though me and my partner are not married i still gave my children there fathers name because if 1 day we do get married then we will all have the same name but my children understand that mommy has a different name because mom and dad arnt married and they are fine about it my daughter tells me she only wants me and daddy to get married so she can have a princess dress lol. I feel as long as u dont make it an issue i dont think it will bother ur children
added by amylou1983 [Fri 5th Dec 2008 @ 09:34:41]
i would choose the fathers last name but if you have split from your partner before marriage then you could choose your last name.
my mum and dad got married so i took on my fathers last name whereas my firends dad left before she was born so she took on her mums last name. hope this helps
xxxxxx
added by Becki93 [Thu 4th Dec 2008 @ 08:47:49]
i really dont no which surname to give my child as me and the father have split up , im not keen on my surname but id like to have the same surname as my child , im a little mixed up as to what to do yet
added by tahlula [Mon 20th Oct 2008 @ 10:59:38]
im giving my baby my second name , split with the dad or i would have gave him his dads second name
added by xlorax [Wed 3rd Sep 2008 @ 09:26:05]
I have a child from a previous marriage and now I am pregnant with my new partners child - we will be giving our new baby my partners surname as my partner wishes to adopt my daughter and we will hyphernate her surname & when we marry in 2010 I will also have the hyphernated surname that way I will be linked to both my children - my current daughter will be linked to her "old" and "new" family by hyphernation and my "new" child will be linked to me by surname and my hyphernation..

Confused - we not !!
added by Karran [Wed 13th Aug 2008 @ 08:50:46]
i have decided to keep my children surname the same as there father. i have separated from him and once the divorce comes i am staying with my married name, as i had as i had trouble at school from my mum having a different surname to me. i think its totally up to the mother but, it really depends on what name you have chosen for a child. as my daughter is called trinity and i am hoping to call my baby, either william or logan, r surname iskent which works well but if i went back to my maiden name atkinson it wouldnt work.
added by rach85 [Wed 14th May 2008 @ 08:52:06]
[think the baby should take the mothers surname so as all children carry the same surname reguardless of father or fathers in one unit or family
added by jill76 [Mon 7th Apr 2008 @ 14:44:52]

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