Coping with not conceiving

We share the secrets of staying sane when its taking longer than you ever expected to get pregnant

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Trying to conceive > Coping with not conceiving

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If you're at a point in your life when the one thing that's missing is a baby it can be incredibly frustrating to keep trying month after month with no success. In a sense we all take the ability to have a child for granted, especially after years of trying not to get pregnant, and it can often come as quite a shock if you don't manage to conceive right away.

If it is taking a little longer than expected it may come as a reassurance to know that only 30% of couples conceive within their first 3 months of trying however, over 85% conceive within 12 months and over 95% within 24 months, so in all likelihood by this time next year you will have a little bambino of your own to cherish. Having said this statistics take on very little meaning when you're coping with the endless highs and lows of not conceiving each month. So what can you do to make the bumpy ride to baby easier?

Relax -

The first thing everyone always says is 'relax and it'll happen'; the phrase 'easier said than done' springs to mind in reply. While it is almost impossible to relax when you're counting days and looking for signs that this could be the month you get a positive there is a lot to be said for a bit of 'r and r'. In fact some research has found that lowering your levels of stress can help with your chances of conceiving so taking some time out to pamper yourself is no bad thing. At the very least going shopping, watching a comedy or even going to an exercise class at the gym will help to take your mind off things for a couple of hours.

Don't feel guilty -

It can be very easy to blame yourself or your partner for not having yet conceived but remember it's no one's fault. The most healthy couple only have a 20 - 25% chance of conceiving each cycle so realistically its just nature doing its thing. On the same note try not to feel to angry or frustrated with your partner if they aren't reacting to the situation in the same way as you. We all deal with things differently and while some of us like to vent, others like to hide their upset. Just because they aren't showing it, it doesn't mean that they're not feeling the disappointment.

Share the load -

Trying for a baby can be a very isolating experience especially if your friends have children or are falling pregnant around you. The most positive thing you can do for your own well being is to share your feelings with others; talk to your partner, parents, friends or anyone that you feel comfortable with. Even if you don't feel you can offload to anyone you personally know it can be good to chat to others in a similar situation as this provides a whole nother level of support. Chat rooms or forums are a great place to vent and because of the anonymity they give you freedom to say what you really feel. Click Here to visit our talk forums and find support with others who are trying to conceive.

Take a break -

While charting your fertility and pinpointing when you ovulate does help you to maximise your chances of doing the baby dance at the right time it does put both you and your partner under a lot of stress to perform. This is being recognised to such an extend that some experts are now recommending that rather that rigorously monitoring your fertility you should simply focus on having regular sex throughout your cycle. Even if you're not willing to give it up completely, taking a break can be good for putting the zing back in your sex life and helping you to relax - both of which are only going to help your chances of conceiving.

Don't set goal posts -

Once you start trying to conceive its very easy to set yourself goalposts but unfortunately mother nature doesn't always have the same plans. Rather than thinking 'I'll be pregnant by Christmas' or 'I'm going to have a baby by my next birthday' it's much better to just to relax and try and enjoy the ride no matter how bumpy it feels.

Keep busy -

It sounds cliched but one of the most effective ways to cope with not conceiving is to keep busy. Its so easy to put life on hold and not do things because you're hoping to have a baby soon; this only puts added pressure on you and your partner and means that you miss out on life's wonderful opportunities. So, book that holiday, take a new class or learn to play the guitar, you never know sod's law may just come into its own!

Enjoy couple time -

You may not believe it now but once you do fall pregnant and baby arrives you'll look back on your days as a childless couple with a fondness that only someone who has been severely sleep deprived will understand. Enjoy the lie ins and romantic dinners or even just the opportunity to snuggle up and read a good book uninterrupted. Spending quality time as a couple will help to make the baby making process a whole lot more enjoyable for both of you.

Hold your head high -

Family events or even catching up with old friends can be stressful when you're trying to fall pregnant, being told that 'its about time you had children' or mentions of that 'ticking clock' are never particularly welcome when you're longing for a baby. In these situations remember that just because you aren't yet pregnant it doesn't make you a bad person; holding your head high and delivering a witty quip such as 'at the moment we're just having fun practicing' will help to silence these upsetting (no matter how well intended) enquiries.

Keep informed -

Things become a lot less scary when you understand them so reading up on getting pregnant and knowing what to expect can remove a lot of the stress and uncertainty from your journey but as always, if you need extra reassurance or advice visit your GP.

If its taking longer than you expected to get pregnancy visit our Talk Forums and share your highs and lows with others in a similar situation.