Advice on baby sleep training techniques including controlled crying, crying down and the core night method.
Crying down
This method can be particularly helpful when initial feeding problems have been resolved and a baby only has mild sleep association problems or has difficulty falling asleep because he is overtired or over-stimulated.
The technique involves leaving your baby to cry, and although it's very difficult to listen to a young baby cry himself to sleep, it will prevent serious sleep problems in the future.
Crying down with a baby under six weeks usually lasts between five and 10 minutes, although with some babies who have become over-tired and fight sleep, it can last up to 20 minutes. If you find the crying hard to ignore try and wait for five to 10 minutes before going in to your baby.
You can then enter your baby's room and reassure him with a soothing touch or quiet voice. This should be kept to between one to two minutes before leaving him. You should then wait about 5-10 minutes before returning. Try to repeat this procedure until the baby learns to sleep by himself.
The core night
The core night method can be used for a baby over six weeks, who weighs more than 4.6kg (l0lb), has fallen into a good daytime routine and is settling well in the evening, and provided he's putting on enough weight each week. You'll know it's the right time to start thinking about this method when your baby's still waking in the night looking for a feed but not feeding well at 7am.
The core night works on the principle that once a baby sleeps for one longer spell in the night over several nights, he shouldn't be fed again during the hours slept in the course of the core night. Once you've seen that your baby can last a certain length of time without a feed, you can use this opportunity to help him to sleep longer. If he wakes during these hours, he should be left for a few minutes to settle himself back to sleep.
If he doesn't settle, try patting him, offering him a dummy or a sip of water, giving him the minimum of attention. Babies over six weeks who are putting on a good amount of weight each week but who are still waking at 3am should be offered a dummy or a bottle of cool, boiled water. If your baby still won't settle, give him the smallest feed that gets him through until 7am.
Controlled crying
If all other methods have failed, controlled crying is the most effective way to sleep-train babies over 6 months.
It is an intense technique and takes a lot of commitment and perseverance but can be very successful in getting your baby to sleep through. If your baby is still feeding in the night, however, it's a good idea to try the core night method to ensure he isn't crying from genuine hunger.
Start controlled crying in the evening on the first day. The same procedure should be carried out no matter how many times your baby or toddler wakes up in the night.
Day 1
- Step 1 Decide on a regular time to start the bedtime routine and stick to it. Allow at least one hour for the bath, milk feed and settling.
- Step2 Settle your child in his bed before he gets too sleepy. Kiss him goodnight and leave the room.
- Step 3 Allow a minimum of five to 10 minutes of crying before returning to reassure him. Reassurance should be kept to the minimum. You can stroke him or say 'ssh-ssh' softly, but resist the urge to pick him up. Leave the room after two minutes even if he continues to cry.
- Step 4 After the first half hour of crying, the times between visits should be increased by five to 10 minutes each time, to 15-20 minutes between visits.
- Step 5 Continue with the checking plan every 15-20 mins until your baby or toddler falls asleep. Reassurance should still be kept to a minimum of no more than two minutes and he shouldn't be lifted out of the cot.
- Step 6 If your baby wakes in the night, continue to follow the same plan for the evening, gradually increasing the time between visits, until you are going in every 15-20 minutes.
Day 2
For daytime naps, it is important you start where you left off in the night.
- Step 1 Wait at least 20 minutes before checking your baby and continue to keep visits to him to a maximum of two minutes, with the minimum of reassurance.
- Step 2 If your baby or toddler falls asleep closer to the time he's meant to be getting up, allow 15 minutes in the morning nap and 45 minutes at the lunchtime nap so he won't end up sleeping after 3pm in the afternoon. If your baby's very tired he may need a short nap of 15-20 minutes late afternoon, so he doesn't become over-tired.
- Step 3 Follow the same settling procedure as the first night in the evening, this time waiting 20-25 minutes before returning. During visits on the second night, reassure your baby by saying "ssh-ssh", but don't stroke or touch him.
- Step 4 If your baby is still crying after the first hour, the time between visits should be increased to 35-40 minutes.
- Step 5 If he wakes in the night, you should wait 45 minutes before checking him, and you shouldn't speak to him or stroke him. Reduce visits to one minute.
Day 3
By the third day, the majority of babies and toddlers will be settling themselves at all sleep-times within 20 minutes and there's no need to check on them.
- Step 1 If your baby backtracks at one of the steep-times and you have to go back to checking him, start off with looking in on him every 15-20 minutes and increase the interval until you are back to 4-5-50 minutes.
- Step 2 Once your child has done a few days of settling within 20 minutes, you should be able to use the crying-down method for getting him off to sleep. Within a couple of weeks, the majority of babies and toddlers will be going to sleep without any fuss at all.
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So far I'm on day 4. When it come to naps, he does wonderful. He'll cry no more than 5 minutes. More grumbling then crying. Bed time is a little more difficult. He is starting to drop from 3 naps to 2 and so our bedtimes differ day to day.
Day 1: 80 minutes of crying
Day 2: 20 minutes
Day 3 & 4: 30 minutes but fell asleep as soon as I came into the room.
I'm hopeful it'll get better.
Well hopefully Il be able to post come positive comments over the next few days. Fingers Crossed... Good luck everyone else giving this a go
Day 1 of controlled crying
Well unusually but greatfully my baby slept through the night. she hasnt done this in a while. Not sure if she heard me speaking about controlled crying. This morning i was very worried about using cc for nap times but gave it a go. Baby appeared tired (always rubs her eyes) 2 hours after waking at 7.45am. Put her in cot with soft blanket and dummy. By the time i ran my bath she had gone to sleep with only a few wimpers! I was thiking is it really going to be this easy. It came to afternoon, baby had lunch bottle plays on mat for a while then showed signs of tiredness. (earlier than usual) but maybe i normally miss these signs! Took upstairs with blanket and dummy. she cried for 5minutes but not screaming, went in gave her dummy said SHHH then left room after 2 minutes. Crying started and went on for another 10 minutes (real screaming this time) went in gave dummy, Done this several times until 2.10pm crying stopped went and checked and she had fallen asleep. In summary put baby down for sleep at 1:20pm cried until 2:10pm. Doing this has given some hope for night time CC. Hossible to see baby so upset but appears worth it at moment.
Any advise..... as wernt sure how long i should carry on with CC during nap times. Normally baby sleep for half an hour! but taking so long to fall asleep solids for lunch is going to be a very late lunch at roughly
2:30????????????????
Day 2+ A going very well, baby started waking at night. learnt ver quickly to send her self back to sleep. getting easier hearing her cry. so be assured it does get easier and well worth it. im now not dreading nap times or night times so much.
I sat here reading all your posts and you stopped me giving up!! After just under an hour she is now asleep! It would normally take a few hours to fuss over her and get her settled. I hate hearing her cry but you know your baby's different cries and she was just annoyed that I wasn't going in when she wanted. I hops she's still my friend in the morning lol.
Well daddy is snoring away next to me so I think he approves of the result. Good luck everyone x
I came accross with this site on desperation,exhaustion and a back pain for swaying every day/night my baby to fall asleep. My daughter today turned 7 months old and since day one I was what the say an "attached parent". My husband and I are first parents, so you know what does that mean.
I read soooooooooo many books/sites while pregnant (Baby Wise, Ask Dr.Seuss etc) you know, like coaching myself on what was coming ahead. The truth is we never know what kind of baby we're a going to end up having. Long story short, I learned through the day by day that my baby was/is a Sensitive/Perceptive/Adaptable one.
Believe you me, I thought my baby wasn't normal and cried so many days and nights in desperation, because it was difficult for me to put her asleep and didn't know what to do. So I read about "white noise" and gave it shot. That's when I understood she was a sensitive baby to noises and so to light and was easily overstimulated by almost anything. So this kept me away from implementing her the sleep training and instead I implemented the Attached parenting, which it helped for a while due to her temperament.
Don't get me wrong, I did tried the CC method before, when she was 2months old (before knowing she was Sensitive and easily overstimlated), because she wasn't sleeping her naps and waking up every 15 mins. I was so concerned, because as far as I understood (read, heard etc) newborns are suppose to sleep most of the time, but my baby wasn't and she ended up getting overstimulated and overtired at night.
I did my research, talked to a friend who is a pediatrician and told me to wait when she was 4 months old because she was going to come along. When she was 3 1/2 she started soothing herself most of the times at night when I put her in her crib............ and I say to myself "wooooooooooo she's coming along, she's learning to soothe herself,HOORAYY" and then at 4 months old some days she wanted to be in her crib and will fall asleep, but sometimes needed me, and of course mommy was there for her. Then she turned 5 months old and suddenly wanted mom again to put her asleep, and she wasn't getting any lighter and again kept my "Attached parenting" approach.
Anyways I started the CC method yesterday, because I couldn't take anymore of this "Attachment Parenting" approach neither my back. I think I have done fair enough and my baby knows how much love she has and how of a good mommy she has.
It was affecting me, her and my husband. I was even becoming rude sometimes with my baby and then felt guilty afterwards because, really it's not her fault she's the way she is and has always being hard for her to fall asleep on her own.
So I gave it a try and here I am, well rested, happy and so is she. Yesterday she slept from 7:45 p.m. to 7:45 a.m., woke up for 1 breastfeeding at 3:30 a.m. and put her in her cot drowsy and fell alseep withouth hesitation.
Today is my 2nd day, and she went to sleep for bedtime after 20 mins of little on and off cry,didn't have to enter her room at all for reassurance and there she is in Dreamland, while I'm writing to you moms my experience.
I have to admit I was afraid of doing this, because I didn't know if I could tolerate my baby crying inconsistently, but after I read all of the testimonials submitted here, it REASSURED ME to give it a try and be courageous and consistent. Also my hubby has been very supportive.
My daughter's has always been a good night sleeper, I'm still breastfeeding her and she only wakes up 1 time in the middle of night, which I have read is normal. My problem was with her naps and always being restless because they were catnaps. It frustrated me we couldn't make plans for playdates because eventhough I put her into a "routine", she will wake up after 40 or 45 mins of her sleeping cycle and it was driving me crazy, since babies at this age need a total of 12-14 hours sleep, 2-3 hrs during the day and 11-12 at night.
I'll give you my updates tomorrow on my 3rd day :)
And yes you need to recognize your baby's cry when applying the CC method. If it's a distressed one of course enter the room immediately to see why your baby is in discomfort. Also need to know when is the ideal time to implemented. Like I said before, it didn't work when my daughter was 2 months old,nor 3 nor 4, but now that she's 7months old and understands much more of what is surrounding her seemed the perfect time for her and for us.
All I have to say is that everyone is happy now.
Today is the 3rd day and she's been sleeping from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., which is good. But today she only had 2 naps a 45 mins in the morning, because she was pooped and that woke her up. I tried putting her back to sleep again, but really she was madly crying (I know to recognize her cryings), so there was no point putting her to suffer and we all went out for breakfast. When we return home I put her for a second nap (it took her 35 mins. to settle herself) and again she woke up from her 1st cycle of sleeping, cried a lil bit so there was no need to enter the room to reassure her. She slept for 2hrs and woke up around 15:45. At 6:15 we started our bedtime routine, but she was sooooooo tired. I breast fed her and my baby didn't want to let me go. As soon as I put her in her crib she started crying. I have to say I felt sad and wanted to go back and grab her, but I said to myself "Ok today is the 3rd day, we have accomplished so much for now to give up?" Anyways after 10 mins of crying she fell sound asleep.
I do think she's coming along :)
Basically what trying to say is.......IF your wee one has only just started doing this recently - do NOT rule out other reasons that could be effecting s/he sleep. i do agree with CC when needed,its worked wonders for many of my friends and kids but i felt so bad when it turned out to be teething. i will be making sure in future that there is nothing going on with her before i implement it again.
She had always been a very clingy little one, since she's had colic, I thought that was normal. But I was at my wit's end, to be getting up 3 times a night, and fed up with people telling it's normal babies get you up..
Tried this cc method out of desperation, had tried to use this method when she was 5 months old, did'nt worked, she just cried and cried. Now she's just over 6 months, so I though I had to give it a go.
First day-
Solids at 6:30, bath at 7, put sleep suit on and story time at 7:30. Give her top up of breast milk, make sure she had a long drink.Just sit with her for about 20-30 mins, no eye contact, no movement. And put to bed by 8pm. She starts crying after 2 mins. Waited 8 mins to go in, stroked her head, said 'good night, you are only going to sleep' and leave after 2 mins.
And she's cry and cry for another 10 mins, go in again and repeat. Shocked to discovered she had vomited all over bed, and felt awful, changed her sheet quickly, and tuck her back in, and leave her within 2 mins. I thought it won't end, but miraculously, she had a sudden scream, and felt to sleep.
She woke up 3 times that night, and everytime I did'nt need to go in, since she's sooth herself back to sleep within 5 mins. Did wondered should I breastfeed her middle of the night, and thought otherwise, since she's very dependent on the comfort of breastfeeding middle of the night.
2nd day- I was dreading about nap time, since there is not much written about nap time, and 20 mins?? I was it was too long, did follow any way, and she's screamed and was very unhappy, but when I go in after 15 mins, she's was asleep.
Woke up after 20mins of nap, and start to babble. I let her babble and did'nt go in for another 20mins, only went in after when she starts crying for 5 mins.
I think she really need to learn that I won't rush in when she crys.
I get her out of bed, know that she's wide awake, and got her in to meal time. I know she's wide awake, no point to try to get her to sleep. Meal and play, and first sign of tireness, I read a story to her again, and bed time for her.
Then miracle had happen, she was asleep with no crying at all in 2 mins!
Since then, she was asleep in her nap time within 2 mins!!
Night time same routine,and daddy put her to bed with story, and she was asleep the minute he put her down, and she woke up around 10:30, cry for 5mins, and went back to sleep. Resist the urge to dream feed her, and hooray, she woke up at 6:30! I had a very sore breast by then, finally she had a small feed. That shows that all this night feeding, was only for comfort, she was not hungry at all. So we will see about the 3rd day, but I am simply so happy!!
I feel like we had taught her this gift of sleeping, and not a distress baby!
Would I then put her down earlier for her next sleep if she has only slept 45mins? I also have to be realistic with a four and six year old with school and after school activities.....
My baby has also never taken to a dummy or a blanket or any sort of comforter as she's always had me & the breast, I'm her
source of comfort.
After speaking to a health visitor last Monday she gave me advice on controlled crying. I thought I'd start that evening whilst still fresh in my head plus I was geared up to do it. I found this website & decided to use the step by step guide As just that - a guide. All babies are different and using your common sense you should know instinctively what sort of cry your baby is doing & whether it's just for attention or they are genuinely distressed, in which case you would see to them obviously.
So night one: we start the bedtime routine at 7pm. We have a bath, put on pj's & I dim the bedroom lamp. I lay on my bed with her ( oh!! She shares our bedroom too as we're renovating & have only 1 bedroom at the mo until we extend upstairs to a 3 bed! That's why I thought this would be so much harder!) we look at a baby book & I sing to her quietly, then I give her a breastfeed, making sure she has a good long drink. She fell asleep on the breast so I gently woke her - as advised by the hv- and put her down in her cot, she started crying immediately but I tucked her in & kissed her & said lovingly "goodnight time to go to sleep". And I left the room. I sat outside the door & listened. I knew she was well fed & only crying for my attention so I left it 5 mins before going in & stroking her head. I then left it 10 mins, then 15. She really started crying & that's when I felt like crying, daddy brought me a cup of tea to my sitting spot! I heard her coughing & knew she was going to be sick ( babys are sick more easily as their gag reflex is more prominent for obvious reasons) I rushed in with a towel, sat her up in her cot & got the sick, then I made sure her bedding didn't need changing & I laid her back down, reassured and left again. After 45 mins total she was asleep. She woke up a couple more times but I just went in reassured her & she was asleep within 10 mins. She woke at 1.30am & I left her 30 mins crying but I felt bad for my partner as he had to be up and I did fall asleep with her feeding. The next morn she was her happy little self, no mental scarring or Rumanian baby syndrome (which I think is absolutely ridiculous to compare orphaned babies chained to beds to our love smothered babes whose crying we are controlling- it's totally different (to all worried mums), let's use our common sense here)
Day 2; I decided she would have a nap after dinner. I laid her in my gran's bed, as that's where we were- & she started crying. I checked on her after 5 mins, then 10. I also noticed she didn't have any tears!!! So I didn't go in again & after 25 mins total she was asleep for an hour- on a strange bed. In the evening everything was the same as the evening before, then down at 8pm. ( I had a bath run & waiting too but I was prepared to wait) I sat outside her door, at 8.02 all was quiet & asleep!! She slept til 2am at which point I hadn't slept to be honest as I was on edge waiting for her to wake up. I was so tired we co-slept ( I know, vereeeee bad of me!!!)
Day 3,4 & 5 were pretty much the same, settling within 20 mins for all naps & night times. But, as I was thinking about my partner I was still putting her in with me.
Day 6: my partner said he wanted us to do this so he would sleep in the room so as I could let her cry longer in the early hours. In bed at 8pm, settled within 20 mins. Awake at 9pm, decided to give it 20 min before going in ( and apart from the 1st night the crying isn't a distressed cry, it's like a half-hearted grizzle) she settled herself. It was the same at 10pm too. Then I went to bed & she awoke at 11.35. With no daddy to worry about I let her cry. It was on & off for 2 hours, she kept crying for a few mins then sleeping for 10. I had decided if she did start crying I would leave her 20 mins before reassuring rather than 45 mins as above. By 1.30am I gave her a breastfeed which she took ( plus babies over 6 months should be able to go 6 hours of an evening without their next feed) I then made sure she was awake & put her in he cot ( I was sooo exhausted I hadn't got to sleep myself yet!) it took 20 mins laying there listening to her, but then she slept til 4.30am. I waited long enough to see if she would settle, then decided to feed her. Put her back & she slept til 7am.
Today: as we were up so early I put her down for a morning and afternoon nap. She settled both times within 10 mins. This evening we followed our usual routine & once she was finished feeding it was like she wanted to go in her cot!! She pushed me away & arched her back wanting to be laid down. So I put her in her cot & she turned her head & closed her eyes before I'd even tucked her in! There wasn't a sound & she's still asleep, so fingers crossed for tonight. Although I won't resort to co-sleeping again. I plan to use 20 mins as my guide before reassurance & my common sense for feeding.
I realize people have strong opinions regards leaving a baby to cry but babies only know what we teach them. In my case I took the "they're only babies once" approach & I've not put her down since she was born, cuddling kissing & loving her. But at the same time, like my hv said to me, babies need to learn how to shutout noise & disturbance & get themselves to sleep. They also need to learn how to control their emotions. Some of the comments with references to Rumanian babies as I mentioned earlier, & chillyhilys comment below being sarcastic about leaving the house, these may put other mums off trying this. You have to sit & listen so you can time everything anyway, and to keep track of how your baby cries which is how you would know if they're sick as I did, or hurt, their cry would change!!! You don't leave them to scream, go switch the music up & hope they stop. Jeeeeez.
I personally would use controlled crying on a baby 9 months plus, but you have to adjust the time guides to suit you & your baby too. If you going in every 5 mins makes them worse leave them 15 and see if that works.
I also believe any mummies on their own out there should join a mums n tots group so you can discuss this stuff with other mums, it's good for you & your baby. It's amazing how many mums I've spoken to & my friends who have babies have done cc. I would also advise like one of the other mums has, make sure your baby is well & not teething, and once you start perservere!! I believe because my baby is settling so well that had I not have co-slept the early hours last week she would probably have slept through more by now.
And lastly, my hv said things might get worse before they get better so don't be dis-heartened if you have a good night then a bad one, keep timing & reassuring.
Hope this helps - sorry for the long windedness! X
Went to sleep after 3 minutes with a little cry, last night.
7pm -3am had a feed & would sleep until 8-8.30 am. Play for 30 minutes then have another sleep for 1 hour. She was well rested & cheerful. She has always fallen a sleep feeding & we would put her down sleeping at night. Then she started moaning & crying if we put her down in her cot. She would be fast a sleep when in our arms, the moment she felt her back touch the cot she would start crying/screaming. I
cut her last nap so by 7 she would fall asleep & once down sleep for 30-40 minutes before waking & crying. I always offer her a top up bottle & she normally has this all but she screams & cries even in my arms & it would take until gone 9pm to get her back down to sleep. She was waking at 8am still yawning
& within 30 minutes she would moan & while some days getting her to nap was ok other days she has thrown a 20 minute tantrum in my arms before finally falling a sleep for half an hour. Feeling like it's a vicious circle & fearing she isn't getting the rest she needs I decided to start CC.
I had read the comments on her before but because after 6 weeks she settled well didn't try CC & I do
think 6 months is a good starting age & wasn't happy to try before then. So she cried/screamed & moaned from 6.30-8.30. She started to go quiet from then onwards with little out bursts. At 9.30pm I went in gave her a bottle. She took her dummy after her bottle. I placed her in her cot & left the room. She didn't start screaming or crying. I checked in on her at 10pm as she hadn't made any noise & she was fast a sleep. I was elated to have her sleeping without my help. She woke up at 3.40am I went in to her, I
left the room to get a bottle ready for her. She burst in to tears for not even 30 seconds. When I came back up she was quietly playing. I fed her, changed her. Put her down. She put the dummy in her mouth sideways (bless) so I popped it in for her. Kissed her & left the room. She didn't moan, cry or scream. I heard her reach for a cot toy. Then all was quiet. Just popped my head in & she is sound a sleep. This is the first time she has had a night feed & dropped off so easily. Normally she is in my bed by now as I'm
so tired from waking due to her fussing.
It is the more "extreme method" but it is a quick result & fix which restores balance for all the family. I'm
happy to have slept from 10pm - 3.40 am that's nearly 6 hours of unbroken sleep on the first night. Even my brother said to my mum when she was baby sitting why are you holding her to sleep shouldn't she put herself to sleep. All his female friends babies are put in their cots & drop off after they play a little & how I should use the controlled crying method like they did
So while it's hard these comments stopped me from picking her up (other than for a feed) & babies are very smart & quickly pick up that crying or fussing won't get you anything more than a quick look in. I don't see how either a few nights of controlled crying will scar them for life. Daytime baby will be happy &
get lots of love, attention, play time, cuddles etc & there is no way my daughter will feel abandoned she gets lots of love & attention & her ever need is met. So stay strong.
I had 3 hours & was reading posts were babies went off within 20 minutes on the first night & thought oh hell it's not going to work for me but it did & I'll follow through with daytime naps to when I'm home.
Will keep you updated with progress. Good luck & thanks to everyone who posted it helped me from wavering when she was moaning for 2 hours solid.
Update: Yesterday morning my baby woke, refused to eat & was pretty out of character all day. She hardly fed & I was unable to get her to nap in the morning in her cot so she ended up napping when I took her out in the pram to walk the dog.
Thought I would however preserve & bedtime I fed her, bathed her, gave her a bottle & sang hush little baby which I always do. She was sleepy so I put her down. Then she began screaming worst than the night before. I found she got more & more upset & after 2 1/2 hours gave up
as she was getting more & more upset & when I checked in on her she up'd the screaming. She went down no problem at 9pm when id given in. At 10pm
She woke for a feed & went back down in my arms & I put her in her cot. She woke after 4am gave her w bottle she put herself back to sleep in her cot & again when she woke at 6am I popped the dummy in her mouth after changing her nappy she played for a few minutes then went off.
Guess this method is not for my baby. I read that it doesn't work with all babies (some may say I gave up too soon) but I also read some babies might not be ready until a little later for this technique & some babies are ready earlier. I also read it should take 30 minutes to work so definitely am not going to follow through with this. Might give it another shot in a month or so. Also I read up that if your baby is showing signs of being different when using the technique you shouldn't follow through - which I saw in my baby.
Today she woke up ok but her voice sounds a little corse poor thing. She is soundly sleeping next to me in my bed. I feel awful putting her through this & not recognising after yesterday morning that I shouldn't have tried to follow through with this.
So my advice really if your baby doesn't appear to be responding well then don't feel you need to follow through. I'm not saying give up after 5-20 minutes but if your baby is screaming more & more for a long period of time I'd stop.
Its my own doing really but she had a dummy, was being swaddled and needed rocking to sleep. She started waking up every twenty minutes for her dummy, and would go straight back to sleep. I was absolutely exhausted.
We visited our health visitor yesterday who suggested we go cold turkey with the dummy and swaddling and just let her cry it out, checking on her frequently. I bathed her, took her straight to her bedroom, fed her , (I used to feed her downstairs) and then read her a bedtime story. I then put her in her cot, stroked her face and kissed her goodnight, and left her, she started crying straight away. I then checked every 5, then ten, then 15 etc and she took 1 hour and half to go to sleep. . It was heart breaking sat listening but she woke twice that night and settled herself within ten minutes each time until 8am.
I had problems with her naps today but did the same and eventually she went off (I just put her down half hour before she was actually due nap). Tonight is the second night and she has gone off after only half hour of crying. I really cant believe it, we will see if she wakes much tonight.
I found this site on the first night, like most other mums I believe, whilst sat here hearing her cry, I suppose we are just looking for reassurance that we are not being a bad parent . I keep telling myself its good for both of us in the long run.
For those concerned about neighbours, I popped round to mine the first night to warn them there may be extra crying for a few days so they didnt worry or get concerned, they seemed quite fine with it (We live one up one down) I'll post again in the morning to let you all know. Good look to you all. x
UPDATE: 3rd day, took 10 minutes for her nap today, and less than a minute for to go to bed. I really cant believe it. Shes not asking for her dummy during the day either.
UPDATE: 6th Day. My little baby is now going down for her nap within 1-3 minutes of me putting her down, and at night time, she does not cry at all now, she coo's for about a minute and drifts of to sleep. No dummies, no swaddiling, no teddies, no nothing, just plenty of love, kisses and affection directly before she goes down. Good luck to you all xx
HOWEVER, now he will not go down without being cuddled to sleep and usually wakes as soon as he is put back into his cot. I tried to let him cry it out last night and he cried for 3 1/2 hrs before my hubby begged me to bring him to bed with us. As it happened he woke again with a very high temperature and has been ill all day, now I feel bad for letting him cry!
So now I am reading up and looking for some tips to help me be more successful and feel less guilty next time. I have a few questions, When I start CC what do I do when my child is ill next time? Give up and start again when they are well? How long do I let my baby continue crying (and I mean sobbing) before changing tactics, I am certain he would still be crying now if I hadn't given in last night!
I'm so torn as to what is the best thing to do as he was sleeping well and now all the old tricks seem to just be encouraging bad habbits.
Tried the CC tonight for the first time. I did well - did what I was meant to and didn't beat myself up about it and then - on the 6th check she threw up everywhere. Not just spat up but was really ill. I feel awful - I rocked her to sleep and within 5 mins she's tucked up in bed fast asleep.
What do I do tomorrow - CC or not?
Update - - - Mummy's - I used cc for 2 nights - as I wrote - the first night was a nightmare, the second night thou - lots better - 3rd night - back to normal. It works. I'm not saying leave your baby to be so upset she's ill but keep with it. Routine really is key! Olivia now sleep from half 7pm till at least 7am.
My Son is 18 weeks old and I am on the 3rd night of Controlled Crying. Here's a quick breakdown of events: 1st night, settled after 1hour and 20mins. 2nd day settled down for his afternoon nap after half an hour, that night settled after 1 Hour 30 mins, 3rd day, settled for afternoon nap after 30mins, now he has been in his bed for 15mins, and is all ready settling. This is def working for me, BUT you must be strong and follow it properly.
HELPMEPLS, have you tried with or without lights on? Has she got a fav toy or a piece of clothing that smells of you? Has she got a mobile?
I really hope this helps some mums out there that had the same problem as me (rocking to sleep, falling asleep downstairs, and bed sharing!!!!)
I STRONGLY recommend this method, with regards to babies being sick etc, this stage should not last long so shouldn't be a problem.
GOOD LUCK MUMS AND DADS XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Update: 3rd Night Asleep after 25mins. x
I am a mother of a nearly 10 month old boy. We started the controlled crying nearly 2 weeks ago and it seemed to be working really well. My son hadn't up until then slept through the night once since birth! I really thought that we had turned a corner and then for the last 2 nights he has been waking during the night and last night was violently sick. I am concerned as I have read other women's comments that their children have also been sick from the crying and wondered how you all overcame it???
It would be great if you could please give me some advice as I don't know whether to return to CC method or not. Thanks for reading.
I am a mother of 10 month old triplet boy's. We have been trying everything to get our boy's to sleep through the night. We are starting to get really exhausted. Plus they don't nap much during the day. I have to go back to work in 2 months, so we need to nip this in the bud ASAP!!! I am currently trying the CC method. I have all three boy's in separate rooms, didn't think it would work with them in the same room together. As this is the problem we have now, they wake each other up when crying. How long do we try this method when first starting off?? 1hr, 2hrs?? I can't let them cry all day can I?? We thought we would start during the day at first, as we are getting little sleep at night as it is?? Anyone want to comment, please help us??
I am having surgery soon and we need her to sleep in her cot, Ive been dreading it but its a necessity. yes, it breaks my heart & we would keep her with us for the forseeable if we could.
Anyway, after many failed attempts of getting her to sleep in her cot, in our room its just hasnt worked. She wouldnt/couldnt settle and weve all had many sleepless nights.
So as a last resort, this evening we started cc. It wasnt half as bad as I expected.
I bf her in her room & put her into her cot awake, told her I love her and kissed her then left the room. I switched her musical bedtime light on & prepared to be upset & torn etc etc.
As it was she cried for 10 mins, then screamed for 20 mins then moaned & grumbled a little bit... less than one hour later and she was fast asleep! I went in to shhhh & kiss her after 10mins, then again after an further 10 mins (after the first visit is when the screaming began but the checks are for reassurance, not to help settle so necessary but a bit difficult as she hadnt screamed until then).
I NEVER thought she would settle at all, I thought Id be giving in after an hour (which I had foolishly decided would be our limit on screaming - it wont work if you give in) but she was asleep by then.
I am amazed. Obviously we're only a couple of hours in and Im prepared for a difficult night but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be as the majority of her cries were of the tired/wanting to sleep kind, so I knew she wasnt in distress.
I will update on how its going in a couple of days. But thank you for the article and other comments... I read them during the crying & screaming to keep me occupied, otherwise I would have been outside her bedroom door in pieces.
Love to all xxx
I just want to update anyone reading. I thought we'd be in for a real challenge getting our daugher to sleep not only in her cot but also in her own room after 12 months of co-sleeping.
Well, monday evening we started the bedtime routine at 7pm and I put her down about 7.45pm. She fussed for 30 mins in total then slept sitting up until she finally gave in and laid down. She woke up at 7am on the following morning. tuesday evening she was pretty much begging for bedtime from 5pm, so we started the bedtime routine around 5.30 and she was fast asleep by 6.20, having cried for only 5 mns, she then had to be woken by the husband at 8.30am!!!. tonight, I put her down at 7.30 after she had her bedtime routine with grandparents at their house. She laid down happily, chatted to herself for 2 mins and has been fast asleep ever since!!!
I am amazed how quickly she has realised its bedtime and a nice time and Im so glad we found the courage to try this.
She is happy and chatty as usual - I honestly thought we'd be in for an upsetting time and was prepared to quit if she cried longer than an hour. But as it was/is shes just so easy to put to bed now & Im truly amazed!
How long did it take your little one to settle to sleep??
I am certainly going to try this for getting her to sleep in the first instance during the day and at night, but we also have a problem whereby she wakes in the night and will be awake for a good couple of hours. She only whimpers and keeps turning over, so not enough to make us go in and have to shhh her, but it keeps us awake as we can hear her on the monitor. This is strange and we don't know why she is awake like this. As for the lady who posted the comment below about her dad not letting her do what she needs to get her baby to sleep, well I'm sorry for sounding blunt here, but it is none of his business as to how you raise your child. I understand that you are obviously living with him, but he must understand that you have got to do what you've got to do. Having your baby in bed with you to sleep is not only dangerous (suffocation etc) but is also a very bad habit. already your baby does not like his cot. Oh dear - you have problems for the future. Someone recently wrote into a magazine that she gave in and let her daughter sleep in bed with her, and when she woke the next day, her daughter was dead. She had suffocated under the quilt. DON'T DO IT!!!! It's not worth the risk. I really hope you can get things sorted with your dad. Good luck.
Unfortuneatly,my partner agreed that it was a bad idea too.So now baby sleeps with us in our bed-no longer likes his own cot and im worried that im being a v.v.v.v.bad mum!!!
Any help please?
The only thing now is that last night and tonight as soon as he is in his sleep suit he starts crying. Doesn';t want any milk.
Here is hoping it works. Oh he is 5 months
We're on the 4th night tonight. It has worked pretty well. She stops crying before we have to leave her for 15 mins. I still don't like leaving her to cry and I'm hoping that once she starts sleeping through I will be able to forget that I did this. It's so hard to not go in and pick her up - the first night I tried it but gave up after just one min and then had a really bad dream about her crying....
Good luck to everyone who is trying this method. None of us want to leave our baby to cry but it sounds like, for the vast majority of babies, it is better for them in the long run.
xxx
Well, started CC last night, very worried. Samuel spent 20 minutes crying himself to sleep, and I checked on him twice (and then sat reading this web site to persuade myself that I was doing the right thing!). He then slept until 12.30pm, but woke up expecting his feed. This time it took him 30 minutes of screaming before he went back to sleep. I was amazed that it didn't take longer and fortunately my other two children didn't wake up. Then while he was asleep I fed him, as I was worried he'd be hungry, but I wanted to feed him while he was asleep so that I could discourage him from waking up. Anyway, he slept right through the night! I kept waking up expecting him to wake, but he never did.
At 6am I was wide awake expecting him to wake up, because that's the time he's normally up, but he didn't wake so I brought him into bed asleep and fed him again. He then carried on sleeping until 7.45am. Miracle! I actually woke up feeling human again and wondering why I hadn't tried this sooner! My husband was happy too because he normally takes over 6am!
I was out and about this morning, so he slept in the pram. But this afternoon, I put him down in his cot at 3pm, expecting a real fuss. But by the time I had walked downstairs he'd stopped crying. I thought, "oh, he must have been really tired", so I sneaked back upstairs to take a peak. He was actually staring quietly at the ceiling, and he dropped off to sleep without any tears.
So tonight I was thinking, maybe this it, maybe now he'll realised this is for real and he'll test me. But no, he cried for about 5 minutes then dropped off quietly again at 7.30pm. No more evenings spent rocking him and feeding him to sleep. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself!! I could read a book, or watch a film. Wow! I hope and pray it lasts! If you're thinking about CC, then all I can say is GIVE IT A GO, it really can work!
The first night was hard-we followed the advice given on this site and after an hour of crying he managed to put himself to sleep-we couldn't believe it. We tried the same during his naps the next day and this time he only cried for 30 mins before settling. That night, when he woke we let him cry for 5 mins before he was back asleep and only last night he slept through the night for the first time in weeks!!
I would urge parents who have a restless baby at night to give this a try. I can't say it will work for everyone but it worked wonders for us. Our little boy seems happier, is sleeping and napping better and we no longer feel exhausted and frustrated. If you do try it, follow the advice on this site and don't give up too quickly-it will be worth it.
Started it last night, I was ssoooooo worried that he would be one of those babies that will take forever to fall asleep, however to my surprise he fell asleep within 20 mins and i only had to check on him twice. He woke up twice both time fell asleep within 20 mins again and only had to be checked once.
Usually he would wake up and around 5am and completely grumpy! but this morning he woke up at 7:15am and was like a different baby, was as fresh as a daisy and ready to face the day.. I used CC for the morning nap and afternoon nap and only took 5 mins of crying until he fell asleep. We are very happy that we gave CC a go.. my son is so much happier now and we are fully rested to take care of him during the day and be able to give him our full attention
Everyone I seem to speak to has no problems at night with their little ones and I do, or rather did feel quite alone with this issue until I read these posts.
We are just starting CC and it is painful to listen to our baby girl cry, but I feel we have to try this, even though it goes against every natural instinct in me.
Thank you for taking the time add your comments as it has reassured me that this is the right thing to do. Fingers crossed we make some progress.
Question about controlled crying and "not picking baby up when checking on them"......
How can you do controlled crying when your baby is sick within 5 seconds of being put in her cot, and how can you not pick her up when she's sick 15 times inside 45 minutes ... regardless of whether she's picked up and changed or not ...
It's a bit tricky to "go in and re-assure" every 5 minutes, then 10 minutes etc, when they have hurled up all over their cot and the floor immediately.;...
Anyone seen any advise about this little problem ? thanks
So... last Thursday night I decided to wean her off nursing at night... that was fun!! NOT! But we survived.
Then came the big night... in her crib on Friday!! I started with her regular nighttime routine of relaxing with mom and dad, then bath, story-time and then her last milk feed. We said goodnight and put her in her crib while she was still awake. To start, she cried for 2 hrs and 15 minutes... which broke my heart. Then on and off throughout the remainder of the night... needless to say, we were exhausted from getting up all night and I was doubting if this was the right thing to do. But we survived and she still seemed to love us the next day.
Saturday she had a couple of 1/2 hour naps in the day and I was praying she'd be better that night. We did her nighttime routine and put her to bed awake. She cried for 5 minutes and then slept right through until 3:30a! Was up until around 4a and then slept until 6a when I fed her. Then she went back to sleep for another two hours!!! 12 hours total. We couldn't believe it this was our daughter.
Sunday and last night were pretty much mirror images of each other. Said goodnight at around 7:30p. Woke up around 12-12:30a. Cried on and off for about 1 hour and then slept right through until her 6a feeding. Then back to sleep until around 7:15-7:30a.
I am still a little shocked and waiting for the other shoe to fall... but she is also sleeping in her crib for naps which has been unheard of!! We are still taking it day by day, but I have to tell you, if I knew it would only be one night of craziness(knock on wood) we would have done this ages ago.
This is day#5 and right now my baby girl is asleep in her crib for her afternoon nap after only crying for a couple of minutes!!
I hope my comment helps... as all of the previous comments helped me. That first night, I just keep reading and re-reading them to help get me through. Good luck to all the exhausted moms and dads out there... remember perseverance is the key... don't start this method if you're only going to cave... it's not fair to your little one or yourself.
Update: it has now been 3 weeks and our daughter sleeps through the night from 7:30p until around 5-5:30a (morning milk) then back in her crib for another hour or so. She also had two to three naps a day (in her crib!) depending on what we're doing. It has been heaven!!
should I try just going "cold turkey" and put him in his crib? Has anyone done this with any success?
Suddenly he no longer wanted to go back to sleep after 11pm - After 4 weeks of exhaustion & continuos breastfeeding to sleep I committed the cardinal parenting sin of bringing him into the marital bed & magic the little mite started sleeping next to mummy & sipping on boob all night.
However I knew that this was no good for anyone & after reading everything ever written about controlled crying we gave it a go.
First night I endured 1 hour 45 minuted of screaming - I followed the programme to the 't' checking at the perscribed times which was heartbreaking. The urge to scoop him up & hug him was dreadful - but I kept strong for his sake as at the end of the day why put him through all the stress and not see it through?
After a few more short spells of crying he slept in his own bed until 7.30am.
Competed day & night two & am now approaching night three. it still makes me feel sick each time I put him in his cot awake as I am so used to breastfeeding him to sleep but this really seems to have worked very quickly.
This in turn has increased his appetite & his general temeprament as he was reluctant to sleep during the day too.
It was hard for the first night but I would really recommend this.
We also are up around 20 times a night just to put the dummy/doodie in. Just taken advice from a well known expert and she said ditch the dummy and start controlled crying. Our little girl is 24weeks old, so nearly 6 months so I feel she is a bit young really but we are nearly at nervous breakdown point and I have to go back to work in 3 weeks time. We are now 5 days into controlled crying having got rid of the dummy and so far no improvement, but I guess we are doing 2 things at once, dummy withdrawal and sleep training. How have you both got on? (am desperate for reassurance!!)
His day time routine has gone too now and is very hard to get him to go for a nap.I,m so knackered and dont know what to try.....
I have a 7 month old baby girl and we are having awful trouble with her sleep. She doesnt sleep during the day but she goes down ok at night(with the doodie of course) but that is when the fun begins. She could wake up to 25 times a night and we are both wrecked. Im not back to work yet(thankgod) but I am due back in May in which i would love to have her in a routine before I go back.
This is our second child and our 1st child slept all night from 8 weeks old from 8-8 and we really didnt know how lucky we were until now!
The other and main problem what i think is that she has a doodie so every time that she wakes at night, which is about 20 times we just get up to her and put the doodie back in her mouth. It seems to me that this is the reason behind her awakening but i dont know as she is also teethen. Its so hard as we dont know what is the right thing to do. Our other child is of school going age so therefore is very hard to do the controlled crying at night. I get it very hard to listen to her cry because she gets herself in such a state and then she cant stop crying. I was just wondering if any has the same problems or could give me any advice as she is also a very whingy baby and thats probably why we give her the doodie. Do you think we should continue with the controlled crying or take the doodies off her completly as I dont think that it would be fair to give a doodie during the day and then to take it from her at night, to me thats just cruel on the poor child. I personally think that this is the main reason for her awakening is the doodie but i would be very grateful for any comments or advise that anyone can give me on what to do.
He is a breastfed baby and we initially used a moses basket at the side of the main bed after he was born. That worked well and he slept through with the occasional night feeds.
On reaching 4 months, we moved him into his own room and cot (due to outgrowing the moses basket.) Again, that worked fine with the occasional waking for night feeds.
After 5 and half months he started teething which caused discomfort but settled with a feed before settling but woke frequently throughout the night. After several nights of that, we decided to co-sleep which helped and gave me chance to re-energise by catching some sleep.
A couple of weeks ago we decided it was time for him to go back in his cot only to find that he does not want to. He cries and wails when we try to settle him. We've introduced formula for the final feed before taking him to bed. He usually settles during that feed only to wake and work himself up en-route to his room or after we have put him down in his cot.
A routine of dimming lights, lowering volumes, bath, bottle, brushing teeth, cot, reading is all fine until we attempt to leave him in the cot. That path led us to controlled sleeping.
Our first attempt at controlled crying was several nights ago. It was hard to hear the constant crying and wailing but we stuck with it. Periodically returning to reassure and then leaving him. Each night we were able to adhere to it for three to four hours before giving in. Our worry is how on earth are we to maintain a routine if he doesn't get the recommended amount of sleep!
We repeated the above for four days when his wailing and crying resulted in him being sick over himself and the cot. We didn't have waterproof sheets down so we cleaned up and co-slept for the following 2 nights.
That leads us up to yesterday where we then re-attempted controlled sleeping but this time, we decided to leave the incremental interruptions with minimal interruptions. That resulted in almost seven hours (literally) of crying and wailing, with the exception of one half hour of sleep. Again, we gave in to the worry of how on earth are we to maintain a routine if he doesn't get the recommended amount of sleep and we co-slept.
We are going to attempt the routine again tonight but am getting very nervous that I don't know whether I can continue with this method. Yes it would be nice for him to learn to sleep through on his own but to who's benefit, his or mine...
I have found it difficult to find literature telling me how long the above method should be adhered to and the advice is as long as it takes. That makes me nervous as adopting a routine following an evening to early morning of upset does not make sense to me. His sleeping is supposed to be key to his development and learning so is that the case following hours of neglect??
Can someone point me in the direction of literature that provides case studies on success stories that incorporate the duration and routines that were followed. Also, case studies on those that co-slept are also welcome. I would like to ensure the short term anguish is warranted and to his benefit and not mine.
I still feel that getting him to sleep through on his own would be better for him in the long run but am beginning to get nervous on whether this method has merit, the stories regarding phsycological and emotional repercussions are also adding to that anxiety.
Thanks in advance to those that respond.
well we've done the cc for about 3 weeks now and our life is much easier and baby is so happy all day long. generally she knows its time for bed as we feed her then read story...she either cries for about 20 mins max or goes straight to sleep. last 2 nights she hasn't woke for night time feed....hanging on in there hasd definately paid off (although very very hard some nights!!!) i don't do it for naps in day and cuddle her off to sleep if necessary....i really enjoy this time now and don't beat myself up over it...i just want her to know when bedtime is and thats at night when lights are dim, she has bottle in her room and she has a story. How could you do cc if you're out and about for the day? thank you all so much for comments on this site...it helped me so much x
i am thinking about control crying but my baby is only 6 weeks old, is this too young, he currently can only fall asleep on the breast
thanks
have you suceeded in your quest ?
The first night went swimmingly. He cried for 50 minutes before settling to sleep until 1.30am He criedd for 50 minutes again before falling asleep until 7.30am. I cannot believe it worked with son who has my stubborn streak. Naps today were equally as effective, just put him in his cot and he fell asleep without even crying for both morning and afternoon naps. Tonight, we only had to go in after 10 minutes and he quietened down just before the next 15 minute visit was due and is now fast asleep. WOuld never have thought my little baby could do it. I'm so proud of him and so glad of the sleep. Only prioblem I encountered was that at some point he had a poo and it didn;t get cleaned until the morning (despite me sniffing him whenever I went in to him) and subsequently has really angry looking nappy rash and so has spent most the day with his nappy off to try and heal his poorly bum!
So glad I found others who are in the midst of this or who have had success. Thanks for sharing.
My 10 1/2 month old daughter has been a night mare for going to sleep since she was 5 1/2 months old. We moved house at that point which really messed up her sleeping patterns and she would wake anything up to 4/5 times a night. After 5 long months of no sleep i decided i had no other option than Controlled crying and its paid off. She is settling herself to sleep now fantastic, have had a few nights where shes woken up but i have reassured her im here and she's gone back to sleep without having her breastfeed. My boobs feel so much better, i was being sucked dry at night times! The first night was awful, she barely slept for 4 hours but she has been so good since. Thankyou yet again Askbaby =D x
Thanks x
Now, i think I'm brave enough to give this a try (with my husbands help or i may have a breakdown) but what worries me most is that he breastfeeds every 3 hours so surely he needs to feed in the night.... he is only 2 months old. He currently feeds several times in the night. The longest he has ever gone without a feed is 4.5 hours. Is it too early to do the CC method?
Also, if it works ------ does this mean i can never let him sleep in my arms again? Will the whole excercise be ruined if i fancy cuddling him to sleep now and again.
PLEASE HELP SOMEONE!!
Update October and Zach is now 9 months old. Since starting the CC his sleeping habits have just got better and better! His daytime naps improved too, he just lay in his pushchair and went to sleep, or in his cot and just gurgled away until he nodded off. He now tends to sleep for about 1 hour morning nap and 2-3 hours after lunch... its so much better. The bedtimes are great too.. usual routine bath, feed etc then straight to bed about 7 usually. He even smiles on the way up to bed and when i lie him down. Occasionally we go up once to pop his dummy in, but usually he is asleep in less than 5 minutes with no crying at all. He seems to look forward to bedtimes and if its after 7 he is so grumpy and really ready for bed. He tends to sleep through till 6-7 in the morning. A couple of 3am feeds but think that was due to teething as 2 tooshies have arrived. I cant stress enough how much this technique has helped our family and Zach has no memory of the original upset and like i said even loves going into his cot. Its very hard the first night or two but it improves so quickly so stick with it!!! Good luck everyone :) :) :) xx
Background - Graden is 9 months old, always falls asleep with a pacifier, wakes up often in the night until we put the pacifier back in, at which point he goes back to sleep. Usually one bottle feed and a diaper change in the night. He also stands up in his crib when he wakes up. Putting him down just makes him sit and stand back up again.
First night he actually fell asleep while having his before bed bottle, so putting him down at about 8pm was easy. He woke up after an hour, cried for 5 minutes at which point we soothed him and put the pacifier back in....as usual that did the trick and he was back out. Same thing two hours after that. At 12:45 he woke up crying, we gave him half the normal feed and changed him. This time he did not go back down. He cried intensely for 30 minutes, being checked on after 5 and then 10 minute intervals, spitting out his pacifier and standing up again each time. Then he would only be sitting up. Then he cried off and on for another 30 minutes before falling asleep for the rest of the night.
On day two we put him down for his first nap and he cried for 14 minutes. His second nap he cried for 10 minutes. On night two he cried for 2 minutes when we put him down. He woke up an hour later and cried for 9 minutes before going back to sleep for the night....no feed, no change, no crying.
Its been one week today and its been consistently improving. At times he wakes in the night, but only cries for a minute or two and then its back to sleep for the WHOLE night. Tonight was the perfect put down, after a bath, book and bottle I laid him down in his crib (awake), pulled the blanket over him, kissed him goodnight and left the room. He watched me leave and then closed his eyes and went to sleep....I assume, as we never heard anything and he's in the same position two hours later.
No, it was not pleasant listening to him cry, but it was not for very long and he still loved us the next day. There is not a chance that this had any negative effect on him.
She was a brilliant sleeper from 5 days after birth - never slept less than 5hrs & after 2 weeks slept 6hrs with a 10 min feed then back to sleep for another 3 hrs every night!! This was when she was swaddled.
As soon as she grew too big for her swaddle robe then the problems started! A Grobag just didn't work - waking every 2-3 hrs. Also, seems to be suffering with her gums - lots of dribble, hands & toys in mouth all the time, etc. Tried swaddling in a sheet but she just gets too hot, distressed & un-ravels it!
I'm really hoping this CC is going to work & that she'll be ok in the morning - breaks my heart seeing her so distressed. Not sure what I need to do about feeding her in the night - really needs waking for a feed but only just gone to sleep so I'll wait til she wakes up herself.
Last week I made the decision to change things, read all the books and all the mums helpfull comments below, I decided to go all out, move her into her own room and do the CC method - to the book. It started last night after feeling sick all day leading up to it! I breastfed her downstairs first, then bath, jammas and story, kissed her and put her down 7.30pm, she was screaming before I left the room. She cried for 5 mins, then I went in, then out, then after 8 mins she went quiet. She slept till midnight then woke crying, I went in twice then she went to sleep till 7am!!
I was thinking it was a fluke and again was dreading tonight but, after less than 3 mins crying she was asleap, who knows what the night will bring but all I can say is that I am so shocked. Honestly, if I thought there was ever a baby who this would not work for it'd be my Rachel, I am so pleased with myself for making the very hard decision and sticking at it.
As for the 'cruelty' comments, well if I ever thought for a minute that I was doing any harm then I would not have trialed this sleep training, I love my daughter more than anyone could imagine. If my 5 yr old son (who was a fantastic sleeper by the way!) can not remember having surgery 2 years ago then how on earth will a baby remember a few nights crying???
To any mums out there considering doing CC, just do it, but do it right, no cuddling or giving in, imagine you are a robot... then cry yourself as you leave!!! Good luck everyone, I will update in a few days. Oh, the books I read were - 'Teach Your Chid to Sleep', by the Millpond sleep clinic, and, Dr Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. I also tried 'The No-Cry Sleep solution' but this did not really work for us. xx
The first night of CC he took 55 minutes to settle, the second night was 60 minutes and then he woke twice in the night! I was distraught and very tempted to give up - I also felt that he wasn't his usual happy little self. Like others I felt that he was getting panicky at bedtime. My husband had to do most of the comforting as I found it too difficult. Anyway we perservered as we didn't want it all to have been in vain.
On the third night he settled in 30 minutes and has continued to improve. We are now 2 weeks in and he settles in 5-10 minutes, often with no tears. The best thing is that he is napping brilliantly - I just see him rubbing his eyes and put him to bed! Today he has napped 3 times for a total of 3 hours! I have even been able to do some ironing and cooking! His feeding has also improved as he wakes up hungry and eats well - before he snacked a lot and never took a full feed.
He is back to his usual happy self, all smiles in the morning and it is wonderful to know that we will put him to bed at 7pm and that will be it for the night! He is still waking once, but usually settles after some water and we're hoping that will stop soon!
This is a hard technique to implement, but so, so worth it. I love knowing that I can put him in his cot during the day and he will get himself off to sleep. Hopefully this is giving him good sleeping habits for life.
Update- we did 3 nights of cc though not too bad she is just too itchy to get herself back to sleep. It has greatly improved though last four nights has slept 7pm til 3-4am wakes up for anything from 5 mins to an hour then goes back to sleep til 630 ish.I think we have to wait till her excema is sorted out before she'll sleep. To anyone else trying cc keep going it really does work!
My 5 month old baby is a bad sleeper. He was ok when he was first born, sleeping 4 hours at time between feeds. Now I'm lucky if he'll go down for 3 hours. Ever since being born he wants to be nursed to sleep and even then he quite often takes 3/4 times of this before actually being put down. During the night i'm just so tired that I have him in bed with me. We have establised a good bedtime routine, where I try to give him a bottle with some rusk in. Some days he won't drink it and he never drinks more than 5 ounzes. His daytime routine changes. Often we get up around 7 after a breastfeed in bed, he'll sit quietly for up to 1 hour and then want some play time. Often he'll have a feed and a nap between 9-10am. He is currently napping from around 2pm each day for a few hours. I try to feed him solids at around 10-11 in the morning and then at around 5-6. Bedtime starts at around 6.30 each night. I want to try the controlled crying technique but a) he is still in our room as it is a one-bed flat and b) i don't know whether his crying is due to hunger or comfort. I've tried him on a dummy on many occasions since he was born, but he doesn't seem to like it. I have tried the controlled crying technique once and it took him 30 mins but he slept for 4 hours. I then fed him and went through the usual night with him. I found this hard but i am willing to try it again. Can anyone give me any advice about this method and how you can tell if they are waking through hunger. I thought a baby his age should be drinking much more than 4-5 ounzes at a time.
my baby is 4months old and she wokes up at night two times and i breast feed her is it ok to do so?
I too am currently doing the Core night method, its tuff stuff but worked on #1 a treat she is a good sleeper now since 3 months old and she is now almost 3. We did have to repeat the method (cc) when she got better from being sick or some other distrubance(long flight/jetlag etc)
RockyBouton try starting his day at 7am I mean feed him then and push naps to follow 2 hours after that. then he should be more ready to go down at 7./7.30....also make lunch nap the longest and limit am and pm naps ..wake him up at 10pm for feed as your doing.
Having read all of your comments I am resolved to carry on with the controlled crying (without picking him up) and see if his sreaming time gets any less. Then maybe we can start to cut out some of the night feeds...... It is so good to hear from other suffering mums, all my friends babies are bottle feed and have been sleeping through since 6 - 9 weeks THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!
hes just gone into his own bedroom at almost 8 months old and although he used to s;eep from around 9pm til 8am, he now goes down at 9 and screams for ages!!! then he will be awake at 11pm screaming, 2 am, 4am and then finally 6am!!!!! i just dint thik he likes being in the room on his own but theres no room in our tiny bedroom for his cot and hes too big for his little crib now.......
oh well its only been half an hour so far, fingers crossed for me!!!
well its only bene 4 night so far but we ave stuck to his nighht time routine religously!!! THIS WORKS!! dylan now goes down at about 8.30pm after a bath and a bottle in his room with night light on, hell cry for maybe 10 minutes an dthen hes off to sleep, he might wake once during the night but only for a few minutes, thats if he wakes at all!! Im so glad we r sticking with this even though listening to him cry for an hour and having to constabtly go up n down stairs to him was hard, its made klife easier now!!!!
im new here but look sreally good and helpful!
Before trying this method my baby's sleep schedule was like this : sleep while breastfeeding at 7,then wake up every two hours until 5:30 or 6 am.
and then 2 or 3 naps of half an hour during the day.
I did my own modifications to Ferber's methods.
First night,he fell asleep while breast feeding as usual at 7.he woke up at 10,I left him to cry,just going in the room in increasingly spaced out intervals just to talk to him soothingly and patting his back,but not picking up.the waiting time was of course difficult but I was determined.I was going in shorter spacing than the instructions,but going few minutes later everytime.Finally he slept after 45 minutes of crying.Then he woke up again at 1 am but only crying 8 minutes.Then at 3 I breastfed him again(I thought going from 7pm to 7 am could be tough on him without feeding)and put him back to bed,he woke up at 5 and cried for 2 minutes and fell asleep until i woke him up at 7:30 because my breasts were so full of milk and engorged.
the second night,he slept without waking up until 3 am!!! that I fed him again and woke up at 6:30. the third night he woke up at 1 am and whimpered for less than a minute and then woke up at 3,I fed him again and then slept until 6.
So basically I haven't put him awake in bed yet(thats next step),but by this method I gave him the opportunity to learn how to fall bvack asleep and instead of feeding him 5 times at night,I'm only feeding him once!
He learned it very fast,basically the first session of cry is diffcult,and then it gets better and better.Now I realized he even sleeps longer during the day and eats his solid food better as well.when he wakes up in the morning he's well rested and smily.before he was in bad mood and crying in the morning.
I recommend this to all families.is the best thing you can do for you and your child.just bear with the first night,its difficult,when you go in to reassure,they hold on to your hand and its really dificult to resist the urge to pick them up,but be patient,the results are incredible.I could have done it 2 months back.but I'm happy now that I did it,better than doing it later.
Forget about people who say you traumatize your baby.as long as you go in and reassure them,they know you are there.its just giving them the opportunity to learn the skill of falling sleep by themselves.my child is happier than ever.
Hi again, one month has passed since my comment above and the little lady is sleeping like her trooper sister ever since! She now goes to bed at 7-7.30 and she will settle herself to sleep without even a cry in sight. We are still on at least one nightfeed but at 4 months old this is very reasonable indeed. My husband and I finanlly enjoy relaxing adult only evenings together again and we have even been brave enough to get a babysitter for a night out!
My baby has just learned to pull himself up and will do that when in his cot, when i leave the room hell be standing and jumping and may fall and hit his head on the cot bars. Should i just leave him while he's getting up? I know he's tiered as he's rubbing his eyes etc.. He just loves to pull himself up.
I need to get a nights sleep, its been so long and my baby needs the sleep too. He'll sleep and wake through out the night usually wanting his soother.
Any help appreciated.
Well I would like to share my experience of the "controlled crying technique". I used this with my 1 year old who over the last few months has went from settling himself off to sleep to hysterical crying before bed! When he got upset I tried settling him by singing, rocking etc. etc. but everytime he was nearly over and I went to walk out of his room he went mad!
After a few weeks I decided to try the controlled crying technique as my wee stars behaviour was effecting his mood in the evening.
First night was extremely difficult and he cried for just over an hour which was absolutely herbreaking. I was exhausted by the end of it and had little confidence in the technique.
How wrong could I have been, the next few nights were tough but by night 4 it only took him 15minutes to settle.
We are now into the 2nd week and he literally let out a wee shout going to bed tonight but no crying and straight to sleep.
Things are great now and my wee star is back to his old self.
Dont be afraid- persevere and this technique will work!
Hope all you mums out there are getting a bit of a life and arent too tired!
thanks
Also Poppey, we had the same problem with our little one, for what I can tell the secret is to put the baby down wide awake so they can get themselves to sleep - easier said than done I must say.
I think this is important to whoever is going to try the controlled crying method. Make sure you have the daily routine sussed so your baby is well-fed and has no need to cry other than not wanting to go to sleep on his own.
Thank you again and keep the great advice coming. Cheers.
Last resort- started controlled crying last night. Shocked at how hard it was to listen to him cry for even one minute. The usual sprint to give him back his dummy has become second nature and I had to be held back from going to comfort him. Usual unsettled period from 10-12pm- he settled within a minute or two with no help. Worst period 3.45 til just after 5am as he screamed intermittently for everyone in our house, Mummy, Daddy and even his brother. It was heartbreaking and I was a sobbing wreck BUT he started to settle himself quicker as the time was extended from 5-10-20mins AND we lived to tell the tale. More worthy of note- he slept in until 7.30am!! which is unheard of even with our usual tiring bedtime antics. I know it is the right thing to do and should have done it before he could climb out of the cot (we have removed the side) and I confess that I had to leave my husband in charge of the timings as I was such a mess I could have given in at any time. The thought of doing it again makes me wince but I know we could not carry on as it was. Feeling really upbeat- GOOD LUCK to anyone else thinking of a way out of the vicious circle of poor sleep.
Ive just lost my comments abt controlled crying - I was doing it & it worked REALLY well until my son started teething, then got a cold which he got rid of & then got it back again & now hes teething again so I havent enforced the controlled crying again but as soon as hos top 2 teeth come through I will be doing it again. It was/is the only thing that has worked so far!! keep u posted
I do not agree at all with those who criticize the controlled crying method. I do not believe for a second that allowing my baby to cry for a relatively short time in order to establish a healthier sleeping pattern will in any way negatively effect her in the future. If anything, getting her into a better sleeping pattern can only do her good. I think over-coddling a baby is more harmful. One of my friends also has a little girl with sleep issues, but instead of nipping it in the bud early, their baby who is now almost 2 has slept in the mothers bed almost since birth and the father is sleeping on the sofa. How is that psychologically healthy? My point is that unless your baby has a genuine reason for not going to sleep, like hunger, illness etc...then it is not cruel to employ the controlled crying system you are actually helping your baby by letting them be more in control of themselves. I do not think it is emotionally healthy for my baby to think that she can only go to sleep if I am holding her and no I am not worried that me using the controlled crying method will turn her into a stroppy teenager. She is going to be a stroppy teenager whether I let her cry now or not, it's the whole point of being a teenager all those hormones rushing around. It's like having permanent PMT until they calm down ( I know, I was one not that long ago). Anyway, I digress, The more important thing is how you interact with your child during the day and I think most of us find it hard to properly enjoy being parents if we are completely sleep deprived. Controlled crying not only helped my little girl get a better sleep pattern, which made her happier is also let me get more sleep, which I believe made me a better mum.
I do think those who disparage the controlled crying method either enjoy having their child completely emotionally dependant on them or they haven't actually experienced a child with sleeping difficulties. I have noticed that although they seem very quick to put the method down, non of them have offered what they think is a viable alternative to helping babies get to sleep. If you think controlled crying is cruel, what do you suggest? Bearing in mind that most parents who are doing controlled crying will probably have exhausted (pun intended) all other avenues that the 'experts' recommend.
To all those parents trying controlled crying, I know it's not fun listening to your little one cry, but it's only for a few nights and the benifits to both you and your child will be worth it in the end.
hope this gives others the willpower , because controlled crying can work!!!
2nd Night:
Tonight was 1 hr 20 mins. Feel like she's going to hate me tomorrow. I feel terrible and want to cry my eyes out too!
My daughter knows how to sleep on her own now. I have given her such a gift teaching her to sleep.
JJ07 I think your little one will be just fine. You need to set a time to do it and get your husband on board. Your in for a tough couple of nights but the rewards are so worth it. Good luck and stay strong!
To all the people thinking that it will lead to attachment disorders, I disagree. I would argue that a child that still can't sleep through the night or needs a parent to fall asleep has an attachment disorder. There is nothing wrong with being able to sleep independently. I think the earlier it is addressed is easier on a child.
Someone suggested controlled crying method but when we leave him he stands up in the cot and cries. Please could somone confirm this is ok and that we leave him standing whilst trying this method? We try to get him to lie back down but he just stands back up again as soon as we walk away. Jack usually sleeps in a sleeping bag, we have tried without one too but he still stands up. Please help...i go back to work soon and my husband and i are desperate for some sleep.
My mum used to leave my sister to cry because she knew she was ok because she'd had 3 children before her and now my sister is exactly what i said at the beginning!