Advice on baby sleep training techniques including controlled crying, crying down and the core night method.Discuss baby sleep training methods on our forums, right now! Or, post a comment below.Crying downThis method can be particularly helpful when initial feeding problems have been resolved and a baby only has mild sleep association problems or has difficulty falling asleep because he is overtired or over-stimulated.The technique involves leaving your baby to cry, and although it's very difficult to listen to a young baby cry himself to sleep, it will prevent serious sleep problems in the future.
Crying down with a baby under six weeks usually lasts between five and 10 minutes, although with some babies who have become over-tired and fight sleep, it can last up to 20 minutes. If you find the crying hard to ignore try and wait for five to 10 minutes before going in to your baby.
You can then enter your baby's room and reassure him with a soothing touch or quiet voice. This should be kept to between one to two minutes before leaving him. You should then wait about 5-10 minutes before returning. Try to repeat this procedure until the baby learns to sleep by himself.
The core night The core night method can be used for a baby over six weeks, who weighs more than 4.6kg (l0lb), has fallen into a good daytime routine and is settling well in the evening, and provided he's putting on enough weight each week. You'll know it's the right time to start thinking about this method when your baby's still waking in the night looking for a feed but not feeding well at 7am.
The core night works on the principle that once a baby sleeps for one longer spell in the night over several nights, he shouldn't be fed again during the hours slept in the course of the core night. Once you've seen that your baby can last a certain length of time without a feed, you can use this opportunity to help him to sleep longer. If he wakes during these hours, he should be left for a few minutes to settle himself back to sleep.
If he doesn't settle, try patting him, offering him a dummy or a sip of water, giving him the minimum of attention. Babies over six weeks who are putting on a good amount of weight each week but who are still waking at 3am should be offered a dummy or a bottle of cool, boiled water. If your baby still won't settle, give him the smallest feed that gets him through until 7am.
Controlled cryingIf all other methods have failed, controlled crying is the most effective way to sleep-train babies over 6 months.
It is an intense technique and takes a lot of commitment and perseverance but can be very successful in getting your baby to sleep through. If your baby is still feeding in the night, however, it's a good idea to try the core night method to ensure he isn't crying from genuine hunger.
Start controlled crying in the evening on the first day. The same procedure should be carried out no matter how many times your baby or toddler wakes up in the night.
Day 1- Step 1 Decide on a regular time to start the bedtime routine and stick to it. Allow at least one hour for the bath, milk feed and settling.
- Step2 Settle your child in his bed before he gets too sleepy. Kiss him goodnight and leave the room.
- Step 3 Allow a minimum of five to 10 minutes of crying before returning to reassure him. Reassurance should be kept to the minimum. You can stroke him or say 'ssh-ssh' softly, but resist the urge to pick him up. Leave the room after two minutes even if he continues to cry.
- Step 4 After the first half hour of crying, the times between visits should be increased by five to 10 minutes each time, to 15-20 minutes between visits.
- Step 5 Continue with the checking plan every 15-20 mins until your baby or toddler falls asleep. Reassurance should still be kept to a minimum of no more than two minutes and he shouldn't be lifted out of the cot.
- Step 6 If your baby wakes in the night, continue to follow the same plan for the evening, gradually increasing the time between visits, until you are going in every 15-20 minutes.
Day 2For daytime naps, it is important you start where you left off in the night.
- Step 1 Wait at least 20 minutes before checking your baby and continue to keep visits to him to a maximum of two minutes, with the minimum of reassurance.
- Step 2 If your baby or toddler falls asleep closer to the time he's meant to be getting up, allow 15 minutes in the morning nap and 45 minutes at the lunchtime nap so he won't end up sleeping after 3pm in the afternoon. If your baby's very tired he may need a short nap of 15-20 minutes late afternoon, so he doesn't become over-tired.
- Step 3 Follow the same settling procedure as the first night in the evening, this time waiting 20-25 minutes before returning. During visits on the second night, reassure your baby by saying "ssh-ssh", but don't stroke or touch him.
- Step 4 If your baby is still crying after the first hour, the time between visits should be increased to 35-40 minutes.
- Step 5 If he wakes in the night, you should wait 45 minutes before checking him, and you shouldn't speak to him or stroke him. Reduce visits to one minute.
Day 3By the third day, the majority of babies and toddlers will be settling themselves at all sleep-times within 20 minutes and there's no need to check on them.
- Step 1 If your baby backtracks at one of the steep-times and you have to go back to checking him, start off with looking in on him every 15-20 minutes and increase the interval until you are back to 4-5-50 minutes.
- Step 2 Once your child has done a few days of settling within 20 minutes, you should be able to use the crying-down method for getting him off to sleep. Within a couple of weeks, the majority of babies and toddlers will be going to sleep without any fuss at all.
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I have decided to try cc for the first time this evening. My son is just over 6 months and has neva gone to sleep on his own without being rocked in his pram or on the breast. I am feeling sick but i am going to perservere. I have read that you shouldn't reposition your baby as this may be seen as a sign of reward for crying??? however he rolls onto his tummy and his arms get tangled up how can i not make him more comfy, surely this can't be right? any comments will be much appreciated.
have you suceeded in your quest ?
The first night went swimmingly. He cried for 50 minutes before settling to sleep until 1.30am He criedd for 50 minutes again before falling asleep until 7.30am. I cannot believe it worked with son who has my stubborn streak. Naps today were equally as effective, just put him in his cot and he fell asleep without even crying for both morning and afternoon naps. Tonight, we only had to go in after 10 minutes and he quietened down just before the next 15 minute visit was due and is now fast asleep. WOuld never have thought my little baby could do it. I'm so proud of him and so glad of the sleep. Only prioblem I encountered was that at some point he had a poo and it didn;t get cleaned until the morning (despite me sniffing him whenever I went in to him) and subsequently has really angry looking nappy rash and so has spent most the day with his nappy off to try and heal his poorly bum!
So glad I found others who are in the midst of this or who have had success. Thanks for sharing.
My 10 1/2 month old daughter has been a night mare for going to sleep since she was 5 1/2 months old. We moved house at that point which really messed up her sleeping patterns and she would wake anything up to 4/5 times a night. After 5 long months of no sleep i decided i had no other option than Controlled crying and its paid off. She is settling herself to sleep now fantastic, have had a few nights where shes woken up but i have reassured her im here and she's gone back to sleep without having her breastfeed. My boobs feel so much better, i was being sucked dry at night times! The first night was awful, she barely slept for 4 hours but she has been so good since. Thankyou yet again Askbaby =D x
Thanks x
Now, i think I'm brave enough to give this a try (with my husbands help or i may have a breakdown) but what worries me most is that he breastfeeds every 3 hours so surely he needs to feed in the night.... he is only 2 months old. He currently feeds several times in the night. The longest he has ever gone without a feed is 4.5 hours. Is it too early to do the CC method?
Also, if it works ------ does this mean i can never let him sleep in my arms again? Will the whole excercise be ruined if i fancy cuddling him to sleep now and again.
PLEASE HELP SOMEONE!!
Update October and Zach is now 9 months old. Since starting the CC his sleeping habits have just got better and better! His daytime naps improved too, he just lay in his pushchair and went to sleep, or in his cot and just gurgled away until he nodded off. He now tends to sleep for about 1 hour morning nap and 2-3 hours after lunch... its so much better. The bedtimes are great too.. usual routine bath, feed etc then straight to bed about 7 usually. He even smiles on the way up to bed and when i lie him down. Occasionally we go up once to pop his dummy in, but usually he is asleep in less than 5 minutes with no crying at all. He seems to look forward to bedtimes and if its after 7 he is so grumpy and really ready for bed. He tends to sleep through till 6-7 in the morning. A couple of 3am feeds but think that was due to teething as 2 tooshies have arrived. I cant stress enough how much this technique has helped our family and Zach has no memory of the original upset and like i said even loves going into his cot. Its very hard the first night or two but it improves so quickly so stick with it!!! Good luck everyone :) :) :) xx
Background - Graden is 9 months old, always falls asleep with a pacifier, wakes up often in the night until we put the pacifier back in, at which point he goes back to sleep. Usually one bottle feed and a diaper change in the night. He also stands up in his crib when he wakes up. Putting him down just makes him sit and stand back up again.
First night he actually fell asleep while having his before bed bottle, so putting him down at about 8pm was easy. He woke up after an hour, cried for 5 minutes at which point we soothed him and put the pacifier back in....as usual that did the trick and he was back out. Same thing two hours after that. At 12:45 he woke up crying, we gave him half the normal feed and changed him. This time he did not go back down. He cried intensely for 30 minutes, being checked on after 5 and then 10 minute intervals, spitting out his pacifier and standing up again each time. Then he would only be sitting up. Then he cried off and on for another 30 minutes before falling asleep for the rest of the night.
On day two we put him down for his first nap and he cried for 14 minutes. His second nap he cried for 10 minutes. On night two he cried for 2 minutes when we put him down. He woke up an hour later and cried for 9 minutes before going back to sleep for the night....no feed, no change, no crying.
Its been one week today and its been consistently improving. At times he wakes in the night, but only cries for a minute or two and then its back to sleep for the WHOLE night. Tonight was the perfect put down, after a bath, book and bottle I laid him down in his crib (awake), pulled the blanket over him, kissed him goodnight and left the room. He watched me leave and then closed his eyes and went to sleep....I assume, as we never heard anything and he's in the same position two hours later.
No, it was not pleasant listening to him cry, but it was not for very long and he still loved us the next day. There is not a chance that this had any negative effect on him.
She was a brilliant sleeper from 5 days after birth - never slept less than 5hrs & after 2 weeks slept 6hrs with a 10 min feed then back to sleep for another 3 hrs every night!! This was when she was swaddled.
As soon as she grew too big for her swaddle robe then the problems started! A Grobag just didn't work - waking every 2-3 hrs. Also, seems to be suffering with her gums - lots of dribble, hands & toys in mouth all the time, etc. Tried swaddling in a sheet but she just gets too hot, distressed & un-ravels it!
I'm really hoping this CC is going to work & that she'll be ok in the morning - breaks my heart seeing her so distressed. Not sure what I need to do about feeding her in the night - really needs waking for a feed but only just gone to sleep so I'll wait til she wakes up herself.
Last week I made the decision to change things, read all the books and all the mums helpfull comments below, I decided to go all out, move her into her own room and do the CC method - to the book. It started last night after feeling sick all day leading up to it! I breastfed her downstairs first, then bath, jammas and story, kissed her and put her down 7.30pm, she was screaming before I left the room. She cried for 5 mins, then I went in, then out, then after 8 mins she went quiet. She slept till midnight then woke crying, I went in twice then she went to sleep till 7am!!
I was thinking it was a fluke and again was dreading tonight but, after less than 3 mins crying she was asleap, who knows what the night will bring but all I can say is that I am so shocked. Honestly, if I thought there was ever a baby who this would not work for it'd be my Rachel, I am so pleased with myself for making the very hard decision and sticking at it.
As for the 'cruelty' comments, well if I ever thought for a minute that I was doing any harm then I would not have trialed this sleep training, I love my daughter more than anyone could imagine. If my 5 yr old son (who was a fantastic sleeper by the way!) can not remember having surgery 2 years ago then how on earth will a baby remember a few nights crying???
To any mums out there considering doing CC, just do it, but do it right, no cuddling or giving in, imagine you are a robot... then cry yourself as you leave!!! Good luck everyone, I will update in a few days. Oh, the books I read were - 'Teach Your Chid to Sleep', by the Millpond sleep clinic, and, Dr Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. I also tried 'The No-Cry Sleep solution' but this did not really work for us. xx
The first night of CC he took 55 minutes to settle, the second night was 60 minutes and then he woke twice in the night! I was distraught and very tempted to give up - I also felt that he wasn't his usual happy little self. Like others I felt that he was getting panicky at bedtime. My husband had to do most of the comforting as I found it too difficult. Anyway we perservered as we didn't want it all to have been in vain.
On the third night he settled in 30 minutes and has continued to improve. We are now 2 weeks in and he settles in 5-10 minutes, often with no tears. The best thing is that he is napping brilliantly - I just see him rubbing his eyes and put him to bed! Today he has napped 3 times for a total of 3 hours! I have even been able to do some ironing and cooking! His feeding has also improved as he wakes up hungry and eats well - before he snacked a lot and never took a full feed.
He is back to his usual happy self, all smiles in the morning and it is wonderful to know that we will put him to bed at 7pm and that will be it for the night! He is still waking once, but usually settles after some water and we're hoping that will stop soon!
This is a hard technique to implement, but so, so worth it. I love knowing that I can put him in his cot during the day and he will get himself off to sleep. Hopefully this is giving him good sleeping habits for life.
Update- we did 3 nights of cc though not too bad she is just too itchy to get herself back to sleep. It has greatly improved though last four nights has slept 7pm til 3-4am wakes up for anything from 5 mins to an hour then goes back to sleep til 630 ish.I think we have to wait till her excema is sorted out before she'll sleep. To anyone else trying cc keep going it really does work!
My 5 month old baby is a bad sleeper. He was ok when he was first born, sleeping 4 hours at time between feeds. Now I'm lucky if he'll go down for 3 hours. Ever since being born he wants to be nursed to sleep and even then he quite often takes 3/4 times of this before actually being put down. During the night i'm just so tired that I have him in bed with me. We have establised a good bedtime routine, where I try to give him a bottle with some rusk in. Some days he won't drink it and he never drinks more than 5 ounzes. His daytime routine changes. Often we get up around 7 after a breastfeed in bed, he'll sit quietly for up to 1 hour and then want some play time. Often he'll have a feed and a nap between 9-10am. He is currently napping from around 2pm each day for a few hours. I try to feed him solids at around 10-11 in the morning and then at around 5-6. Bedtime starts at around 6.30 each night. I want to try the controlled crying technique but a) he is still in our room as it is a one-bed flat and b) i don't know whether his crying is due to hunger or comfort. I've tried him on a dummy on many occasions since he was born, but he doesn't seem to like it. I have tried the controlled crying technique once and it took him 30 mins but he slept for 4 hours. I then fed him and went through the usual night with him. I found this hard but i am willing to try it again. Can anyone give me any advice about this method and how you can tell if they are waking through hunger. I thought a baby his age should be drinking much more than 4-5 ounzes at a time.
my baby is 4months old and she wokes up at night two times and i breast feed her is it ok to do so?
I too am currently doing the Core night method, its tuff stuff but worked on #1 a treat she is a good sleeper now since 3 months old and she is now almost 3. We did have to repeat the method (cc) when she got better from being sick or some other distrubance(long flight/jetlag etc)
RockyBouton try starting his day at 7am I mean feed him then and push naps to follow 2 hours after that. then he should be more ready to go down at 7./7.30....also make lunch nap the longest and limit am and pm naps ..wake him up at 10pm for feed as your doing.
Having read all of your comments I am resolved to carry on with the controlled crying (without picking him up) and see if his sreaming time gets any less. Then maybe we can start to cut out some of the night feeds...... It is so good to hear from other suffering mums, all my friends babies are bottle feed and have been sleeping through since 6 - 9 weeks THEY JUST DON'T GET IT!!!!
hes just gone into his own bedroom at almost 8 months old and although he used to s;eep from around 9pm til 8am, he now goes down at 9 and screams for ages!!! then he will be awake at 11pm screaming, 2 am, 4am and then finally 6am!!!!! i just dint thik he likes being in the room on his own but theres no room in our tiny bedroom for his cot and hes too big for his little crib now.......
oh well its only been half an hour so far, fingers crossed for me!!!
well its only bene 4 night so far but we ave stuck to his nighht time routine religously!!! THIS WORKS!! dylan now goes down at about 8.30pm after a bath and a bottle in his room with night light on, hell cry for maybe 10 minutes an dthen hes off to sleep, he might wake once during the night but only for a few minutes, thats if he wakes at all!! Im so glad we r sticking with this even though listening to him cry for an hour and having to constabtly go up n down stairs to him was hard, its made klife easier now!!!!
im new here but look sreally good and helpful!
Before trying this method my baby's sleep schedule was like this : sleep while breastfeeding at 7,then wake up every two hours until 5:30 or 6 am.
and then 2 or 3 naps of half an hour during the day.
I did my own modifications to Ferber's methods.
First night,he fell asleep while breast feeding as usual at 7.he woke up at 10,I left him to cry,just going in the room in increasingly spaced out intervals just to talk to him soothingly and patting his back,but not picking up.the waiting time was of course difficult but I was determined.I was going in shorter spacing than the instructions,but going few minutes later everytime.Finally he slept after 45 minutes of crying.Then he woke up again at 1 am but only crying 8 minutes.Then at 3 I breastfed him again(I thought going from 7pm to 7 am could be tough on him without feeding)and put him back to bed,he woke up at 5 and cried for 2 minutes and fell asleep until i woke him up at 7:30 because my breasts were so full of milk and engorged.
the second night,he slept without waking up until 3 am!!! that I fed him again and woke up at 6:30. the third night he woke up at 1 am and whimpered for less than a minute and then woke up at 3,I fed him again and then slept until 6.
So basically I haven't put him awake in bed yet(thats next step),but by this method I gave him the opportunity to learn how to fall bvack asleep and instead of feeding him 5 times at night,I'm only feeding him once!
He learned it very fast,basically the first session of cry is diffcult,and then it gets better and better.Now I realized he even sleeps longer during the day and eats his solid food better as well.when he wakes up in the morning he's well rested and smily.before he was in bad mood and crying in the morning.
I recommend this to all families.is the best thing you can do for you and your child.just bear with the first night,its difficult,when you go in to reassure,they hold on to your hand and its really dificult to resist the urge to pick them up,but be patient,the results are incredible.I could have done it 2 months back.but I'm happy now that I did it,better than doing it later.
Forget about people who say you traumatize your baby.as long as you go in and reassure them,they know you are there.its just giving them the opportunity to learn the skill of falling sleep by themselves.my child is happier than ever.
Hi again, one month has passed since my comment above and the little lady is sleeping like her trooper sister ever since! She now goes to bed at 7-7.30 and she will settle herself to sleep without even a cry in sight. We are still on at least one nightfeed but at 4 months old this is very reasonable indeed. My husband and I finanlly enjoy relaxing adult only evenings together again and we have even been brave enough to get a babysitter for a night out!
My baby has just learned to pull himself up and will do that when in his cot, when i leave the room hell be standing and jumping and may fall and hit his head on the cot bars. Should i just leave him while he's getting up? I know he's tiered as he's rubbing his eyes etc.. He just loves to pull himself up.
I need to get a nights sleep, its been so long and my baby needs the sleep too. He'll sleep and wake through out the night usually wanting his soother.
Any help appreciated.
Well I would like to share my experience of the "controlled crying technique". I used this with my 1 year old who over the last few months has went from settling himself off to sleep to hysterical crying before bed! When he got upset I tried settling him by singing, rocking etc. etc. but everytime he was nearly over and I went to walk out of his room he went mad!
After a few weeks I decided to try the controlled crying technique as my wee stars behaviour was effecting his mood in the evening.
First night was extremely difficult and he cried for just over an hour which was absolutely herbreaking. I was exhausted by the end of it and had little confidence in the technique.
How wrong could I have been, the next few nights were tough but by night 4 it only took him 15minutes to settle.
We are now into the 2nd week and he literally let out a wee shout going to bed tonight but no crying and straight to sleep.
Things are great now and my wee star is back to his old self.
Dont be afraid- persevere and this technique will work!
Hope all you mums out there are getting a bit of a life and arent too tired!
thanks
Also Poppey, we had the same problem with our little one, for what I can tell the secret is to put the baby down wide awake so they can get themselves to sleep - easier said than done I must say.
I think this is important to whoever is going to try the controlled crying method. Make sure you have the daily routine sussed so your baby is well-fed and has no need to cry other than not wanting to go to sleep on his own.
Thank you again and keep the great advice coming. Cheers.
Last resort- started controlled crying last night. Shocked at how hard it was to listen to him cry for even one minute. The usual sprint to give him back his dummy has become second nature and I had to be held back from going to comfort him. Usual unsettled period from 10-12pm- he settled within a minute or two with no help. Worst period 3.45 til just after 5am as he screamed intermittently for everyone in our house, Mummy, Daddy and even his brother. It was heartbreaking and I was a sobbing wreck BUT he started to settle himself quicker as the time was extended from 5-10-20mins AND we lived to tell the tale. More worthy of note- he slept in until 7.30am!! which is unheard of even with our usual tiring bedtime antics. I know it is the right thing to do and should have done it before he could climb out of the cot (we have removed the side) and I confess that I had to leave my husband in charge of the timings as I was such a mess I could have given in at any time. The thought of doing it again makes me wince but I know we could not carry on as it was. Feeling really upbeat- GOOD LUCK to anyone else thinking of a way out of the vicious circle of poor sleep.
Ive just lost my comments abt controlled crying - I was doing it & it worked REALLY well until my son started teething, then got a cold which he got rid of & then got it back again & now hes teething again so I havent enforced the controlled crying again but as soon as hos top 2 teeth come through I will be doing it again. It was/is the only thing that has worked so far!! keep u posted
I do not agree at all with those who criticize the controlled crying method. I do not believe for a second that allowing my baby to cry for a relatively short time in order to establish a healthier sleeping pattern will in any way negatively effect her in the future. If anything, getting her into a better sleeping pattern can only do her good. I think over-coddling a baby is more harmful. One of my friends also has a little girl with sleep issues, but instead of nipping it in the bud early, their baby who is now almost 2 has slept in the mothers bed almost since birth and the father is sleeping on the sofa. How is that psychologically healthy? My point is that unless your baby has a genuine reason for not going to sleep, like hunger, illness etc...then it is not cruel to employ the controlled crying system you are actually helping your baby by letting them be more in control of themselves. I do not think it is emotionally healthy for my baby to think that she can only go to sleep if I am holding her and no I am not worried that me using the controlled crying method will turn her into a stroppy teenager. She is going to be a stroppy teenager whether I let her cry now or not, it's the whole point of being a teenager all those hormones rushing around. It's like having permanent PMT until they calm down ( I know, I was one not that long ago). Anyway, I digress, The more important thing is how you interact with your child during the day and I think most of us find it hard to properly enjoy being parents if we are completely sleep deprived. Controlled crying not only helped my little girl get a better sleep pattern, which made her happier is also let me get more sleep, which I believe made me a better mum.
I do think those who disparage the controlled crying method either enjoy having their child completely emotionally dependant on them or they haven't actually experienced a child with sleeping difficulties. I have noticed that although they seem very quick to put the method down, non of them have offered what they think is a viable alternative to helping babies get to sleep. If you think controlled crying is cruel, what do you suggest? Bearing in mind that most parents who are doing controlled crying will probably have exhausted (pun intended) all other avenues that the 'experts' recommend.
To all those parents trying controlled crying, I know it's not fun listening to your little one cry, but it's only for a few nights and the benifits to both you and your child will be worth it in the end.
hope this gives others the willpower , because controlled crying can work!!!
2nd Night:
Tonight was 1 hr 20 mins. Feel like she's going to hate me tomorrow. I feel terrible and want to cry my eyes out too!
My daughter knows how to sleep on her own now. I have given her such a gift teaching her to sleep.
JJ07 I think your little one will be just fine. You need to set a time to do it and get your husband on board. Your in for a tough couple of nights but the rewards are so worth it. Good luck and stay strong!
To all the people thinking that it will lead to attachment disorders, I disagree. I would argue that a child that still can't sleep through the night or needs a parent to fall asleep has an attachment disorder. There is nothing wrong with being able to sleep independently. I think the earlier it is addressed is easier on a child.
Someone suggested controlled crying method but when we leave him he stands up in the cot and cries. Please could somone confirm this is ok and that we leave him standing whilst trying this method? We try to get him to lie back down but he just stands back up again as soon as we walk away. Jack usually sleeps in a sleeping bag, we have tried without one too but he still stands up. Please help...i go back to work soon and my husband and i are desperate for some sleep.
My mum used to leave my sister to cry because she knew she was ok because she'd had 3 children before her and now my sister is exactly what i said at the beginning!